we are just a bunch of chemicals

or brain waves or whatever

well, pretty much anyway

sort of

or maybe there is something else spinning up there

but even if there is, after today, i’m more convinced than ever that much of what we think of as our inner reality is nothing more than a collection of chemical and electrical impulses. here’s why…

i’m a few weeks into another round of neurofeedback.   I know you’re asking, what’s nf.  if you aren’t, you are in a very tiny minority.  far be it from me to give an adequate explanation, but i wiil say that  neurofeedback is just biofeedback for the brain…say you want to relax – the neurofeedback device simply lets you see the brainwave activity associated with relaxation.  By seeing it, you can learn to manipulate.  If you are really curious, google can tell you so much more.  I’m not here for all that.

I’m here to tell you a story to remember the next time you descend down into a funk.

What you think is what you think and it may be very valid.  Maybe your job is maddening,
 maybe  your SO really is a mistake, maybe you feel that everything sucks….and maybe it does really indeed suck.  But how you feel about that shittiness, real or percieved, is just a matter of what’s pulsing through that gray matter. I bet this is not so much news to people who have taken medicines for anxiety, depression or whatever.  The chemical doesn’t change life events but it changes how the person is able to deal with them.

That however takes place over weeks or even months.  In that time, events can change. The chemical changes combine with event changes and three months later, everything may be different.  What happened to me happened in a matter of days, one day really.
 Nothing in my life changed.  No stress built up.  Nothing happened except my brainwaves
 got out of whack.

after 1session, i told her i felt like shit – woke up mad that morning.

she dissmissed it and we did a session – walking home, i felt like i was dragging myself. day b4 after first session i only felt like i was dragging my leg

i made myself go back despite feeling like my insiders were shaking.  i felt mad

and upset but not about anything, got there and started crying.  she switchyed it

after15m i felt much more in control of my emotions – still a little wigged out but in control–after 15 more min . i felt this release in my thighs and mentally, i was back to me– sort of happy really. my right leg was even bending at the knee it was so lose.

sad into happy in 30 min!  i wish i could bottle it.

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